Nursing

So, as we go along our schoolin, we get these outrotations and different experiences. We go to different areas of specialty. Today, I went to Hospice care. Hospice is essentially the area of care for those who have a terminal illness, with no cure, and who are at the end of their lives. The hospice area I was in, is where there are worsening of conditions that come with end of life that can no longer be controlled at home. These are generally agitation, breathing issues, and especially pain. Today I came to the realization that I am not cut out for Hospice care, palliative care, or those areas that handle making the end easier. My heart is far too big to handle that emotional drain everyday. I started crying with the breaking of news to a family member that the end was there. I suppose I personalize it. I kept thinking about being with my grandma LaCrosse when she was at the end of her life. Seeing the periods of halting breathing altogether at the very end. The unknowing of when it was actually going to get there, but knowing it was just around the corner. Then I missed my grandfather's end. One of the people who were closest to me in the world. Why? $$$$ People say that Money does not make happiness, but without it you sure can be miserable! I just saw that patient and family together, knowing the end was coming and soon, feeling horrible and wondering what my grandfather went through. I just couldn't do it. I know that there is an end of life. I know that it has to happen and it will to the young, old, and young adults, but to deal with it every single day, just waiting for it to come, would be too much for me. I am pretty sure I'm going to do ER and I know eventually a Family Nurse Practitioner. But being able to cancel out what I don't want to do is a good thing. On my way to finishing!